Seeking Balance

My babies are over six months old, and they are becoming more delightful every day. I’m not sure if all moms feel the way I have, but bonding with my girls has been gradual. I loved them from the moment I first laid eyes on them, of course, but the bonding process was not immediate. At this age, I know what makes them laugh and what makes them mad. I recognize when they are tired and when they need to be held. I know which toys they like, and I recognize their hunger cues. I comfort them and help them to feel more secure, and their eyes search for me when someone besides my husband holds them. Suffice it to say, I am enjoying them more and more as they grow more interactive.

Life seems like it is getting slightly more manageable. We still have clubfoot treatment in our future, but we are past the serial casting process and the tenotomy, so the frequency of those appointments has lessened. We still have Pamidronate infusions, but those occur only every eight weeks. We still have bi-weekly visits from a physical therapist, but those appointments are no big deal. Their next well visit with the pediatrician isn’t until 9 months. They are recovering nicely from their RSV. We will have OI clinic annually and will hopefully have no more broken bones in our future. We have babies sleeping 10-12 hours per night in their cribs and napping during the day. Life has gotten easier, and I am grateful.

Now I feel like it is time to re-focus on myself. Of all the members of this household over the past six months, I have been my own absolute last priority, and it shows. During my pregnancy, I gained 35 lbs. I can’t believe I didn’t gain more, as I was absolutely starving toward the end and ate tons of (junk) food, both to satisfy my hunger and to help with the morning sickness that lasted my entire pregnancy. I was so incredibly swollen afterwards from pregnancy and my other injuries and lack of activity, I had to take a presciption medicine to help flush me out. So in the two weeks after V&L were born, I lost 53 lbs. My body maintained that weight for about a month, despite me eating whatever I wanted, as it was working hard to recover from childbirth and my injuries. And then the weight started coming back on. Over the past five months, I’ve gained back about 20-25 lbs. I blame it on depression from all of the medical intervention needed for my girls their first three months of life, all of the pain they were in and the helplessness I felt, having to quit the job that gave me social interaction, and my own pain and inability to be active because of my injuries. In addition, I was feeling overwhelmed by life with twin infants. I comfort ate, and I don’t blame myself for it because I was at my breaking point. But it’s time to change.

So I have joined Weight Watchers Online, partly because my friend LisainSK has had a good experience with it. Hopefully I can achieve similar success. When all 53 lbs of that weight was gone right after childbirth, I felt fantastic. So that is my goal for now. I’m tracking the things I eat and trying to plan our meals around more fruits and vegetables. I can say it certainly hasn’t helped to spend all day at home, with my kitchen just a few feet away. And it hasn’t helped to enjoy a rum&diet or two with my hubby in the evenings out on our deck after our babies are asleep (2 oz of rum is 5 points!). But this change is needed for my mental and physical health. Moderation and exercise should help me to shed some pounds before the really sweltering summer weather gets here. I’ve been walking outside with the babies more often and increasing my mileage, and I will give myself an expectation of doing that every nice day this spring/summer.

A friend of mine, who is 31 years old (only one year older than me), suffered a severe stroke near her brainstem on March 11th followed by a series of smaller strokes. She is basically comatose, with a trach and a permanent feeding tube, lying in a hospital bed 20 miles away from me as I type this. She was thin and in good health, and basically the stroke was bad luck, but it is a definitely a wake-up call to me that I need to focus on my health. I want to be here as my daughters take their first steps, walk into their kindergarten classroom, move on to middle school and all educational institutions beyond, meet their first romantic love interests, and accomplish their goals. So I will be keeping that in mind as I start making myself a little more of a priority around here!

2 responses

  1. Nice to hear that life is starting to resemble normal. The girls look beautiful, as i’m sure you do, but looking after yourself s always an excellent idea. It will empower you and your motherhood will also benefit. Sounds like you’ve got some plans. Good for you. So sorry about your friend. How terrible.

  2. Oh my goodness?!! So sorry to hear of your friend?! THat’s terrible! You will love weight watchers!! Keep at it and it will come off little by little. Keep your goals small in the beginning and don’t become discouraged. You can do it!!

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